God Moments (When It Comes Together)

Ok, so I have some exciting news! A little late, but still exciting. One month ago, I was featured in an article highlighting 100 women pursuing their passions (I’ll share the link down below). When Missy Bonet of A Curvy Mom Blog reached out with the opportunity, I felt instantly excited and seen. If we are honest, acknowledgement and recognition usually makes us feel good and can even affirm us being on the right track. Somewhere in the midst of my excitement, imposter syndrome attempted to make an appearance. For a moment, I began questioning how I could be highlighted for doing the very thing that not even a year ago was so terrifying.

As I started to prepare the requested information about my blog and the inspiration behind it I began to sit in the moment. Found a cute picture for the feature, and sat in the moment a bit more. I like to think of full circle moments like this one as God moments. The moments of everything seeming to come together to finally make sense. I can remember writing in a journal at the end of my marriage, just to get all of my emotions out. Those first couple, well several, ok ten journal entries, weren’t pretty. But they were honest. Those journal entries turned into this blog. And, I can remember consistently praying for understanding, because I felt if I could just somehow understand all that was going on, it could fast forward my healing. But it doesn’t work that way sis. It wasn’t until hearing from other women who were divorced and single mothers who explained they were able to relate to my posts, did I understand. Not until being featured in an article amongst 100 amazing business women, did I understand.  

When you find yourself in a place of confusion, and asking why, be patient. During the moments when it is only you to sit and think, be patient. During the moments you find yourself in a fetal position, with tears streaming down your face, be patient. During the moments of anger when you find yourself being someone you aren’t quite proud of, be patient. Your God moment is coming, I promise. The moment when it all begins to come around and make sense is coming, and I promise you will appreciate that moment more than anything. It wasn’t long ago when all I was seeking was clarity and now look, standing all up in understanding and it feels amazing. God moments are something else, but they are my absolute favorite kind.

Check out my feature below:

100 Women – Feature Page

As always, thanks for reading! Keep growing!

2022….Is that you? Happy New Year!

Ok, how are you feeling as we await 2022? Nervous? Excited ? Can you even believe we are hours away from a new year? I’m sure by now you have come up with your resolutions and maybe even created a vision board. There’s something amazing about the days leading up to a new year; moments of planning and reflecting. The reflecting is my favorite part. Taking time to appreciate what you’ve accomplished and what you have overcome. Appreciating new experiences and even new people. Looking back on what you’ve learned and how those very lessons will help you bloom in the next year.

For the last few years, I have made it a point to choose a word for each new year. I focus on that word throughout, to help keep me on track. Last year, my word was intentional as I wanted to be sure to do everything with purpose. Alright, so I slacked on it when it came to some things *cough cough* dating, but don’t judge me.

My word for this year is UNAPOLOGETIC. I plan to take up space and not apologize for doing so. I’m going to be a bit selfish this year, with my time, most of all. I’m going to speak my mind and let my “no” be “no” without any explanation. I’m not accepting less than what I deserve this year because now I know better. I will make self care a priority and continue creating boundaries with others to show myself respect. I will trust in God, because leaning to my understanding ain’t it. I am going to bloom; unapologetically.

Let’s strive to be the absolute best versions of ourselves in 2022: physically, mentally and spiritually.

So, what’s your word for this year ? What is the one word you want to help shape your decisions and your experiences in 2022? Comment below and let me know.

As always, thanks for reading and be safe bringing in 2022. Talk to you next year !

The Not so Happy Holidays (for the single mama)

Single mama,

I know the holidays aren’t always exactly happy. They can look like a lot of second guessing and hoping that all the effort is enough. Are you creating enough fun traditions and memories? Were you able to get enough gifts? Will you get enough time on Christmas day with splitting the holiday?

You spent the year, admiring all the new things your children have fallen in love with and finding a way to put those into the perfect gifts. You faced long lines or at least a long time on Amazon. You were up, building toys, installing batteries and figuring out the order of gift opening for Christmas day. All fueled by the anticipation of hearing the loud gasps of excitement and seeing those amazing smiles.

Just in case no one took the time to let you know or even if you haven’t found time to tell yourself, you did amazing! You can finally take a deep breath and take pride in making it happen. Whatever “making it happen” looked like this year. If this year, gifts were not plenty but quality time was, be proud. If this year, you were able to start something new like matching pajamas, be proud. If this year, you were able to be mature about splitting the holiday with your ex, sis you most definitely better be proud. You have conquered the holidays this year, after divorce and/or as a single parent. I am so proud of you. Proud of us.

-Tiffini

We All Have Moments (4 Things to Help With the “Not So Good” Moments)

This week, for the first time in a while, it didn’t feel like a chore to smile. While leaves are changing and stores are exploding with Christmas items, for many, this is the most wonderful time of the year. For some, it is the most difficult. And I think I may have joined the “some”. Since the end of my marriage, I can usually expect a moment of feeling down during this time of year. The constant reminders of what should have been are in constant tug of war with what is. My idea of the perfect holidays looked like wrapping gifts the night before as parents as we prepare to see the excitement on our son’s face on Christmas morning. Taking trips to be with family for Thanksgiving, and watching our son have an opportunity to play with his cousins. During this most recent moment, life has also decided to simultaneously throw me into a game of dodge ball. Work stress. Duck! Bedroom roof leak turned roof falling in. Dodge! Coparenting. Duck! This moment had lasted a bit too long.

But this week, perhaps the moment has ended or maybe just for a few days.  I honestly don’t know; but what I do know, is I have been putting in major work to climb out of the moment. In these “feeling down” moments, it takes daily effort to attempt to just feel like you. Maybe you have felt down in the past or maybe you are literally in a moment while you are reading this. It is ok and I want to share some things that have helped me move through and at least made it easier to smile.

Get a Routine (And stick with it)

Without a plan, it is almost impossible to stop your mind from wandering and with wandering comes over thinking. Lots of over thinking! My white board and my planner are everything. I’ve learned to create daily schedules and “to do” lists both at home and at work to help fill the empty spaces. Shifting the focus to completing tasks creates a sense of purpose and drive to get up and go daily. Find time to incorporate prayer, meditation, exercise, reading, writing or your choice of self care. Your schedule does not need to only be filled with the things you have to do but don’t forget to add some of the things you just want to do.

Give Yourself Props

Nothing feels better than checking something off a “to do” list. And as you are checking things off, don’t forget to take time to be proud. Have you congratulated yourself on getting out of the bed today? Or on leaving the house on time? Stop and do it. No matter how silly this seems, it is so necessary. We spend far too much time focusing on all the things we have not yet accomplished and not enough time on the things we have.  

Positivity Overload

What makes you feel positive? What makes you happy? I have adopted the idea of filling my day with those things. Most mornings start with an online sermon or motivational speech followed by some feel good music. I am constantly looking for positive and uplifting quotes and even comedy for some laughter. It has become especially important to me to surround myself with those who have positive conversation. Because honestly, I need all the good vibes.

When You Look Good, You Feel Good

While I have not committed to cleaning my closet yet, I have at least started moving things around to create some cute outfits. Spend time focusing on choosing things to wear, doing your hair and even a skin care routine. Buy something new for yourself, something different. Take some cute pictures and remind yourself just how beautiful you are. You deserve to feel confident and good about yourself because you are amazing.

These things are in no way a “fix it method” but they have helped to make some hard days just a tad bit easier. Wake up and prepare each day as if it will be an absolute great day, until it is. What are some of the things that help you to improve your mood? Comment below to share. I can’t wait to hear.

As always, thanks for reading! Please subscribe for more and if you are already a part of the garden, thank you so much for growing with me.

Don’t Be So Easy

My prayer is that I am never again so easy; that we are never again too easy. More times then I want to admit, I have allowed others to get things from me with limited effort. Giving all of me for not even part of them in return. Taking advantage of me, but with my permission. I have allowed myself to be too easy in relationships, friendships and even familyships (I know that’s not a thing). This week I wanted to highlight some of the ways in which we may have been too easy but more importantly how we can stop ourselves from ever doing it again.

Too Easy to Impress

The last guy didn’t have a car; but this one does. The last guy didn’t have his own place but this one does. The last guy didn’t go to church but this one is at least there on Easter and Mother’s Day. Better than the last so they are a catch right? Absolutely not! They are presenting the absolute bare minimum and because we entertained less than what we deserved, almost anything better looks amazing. But don’t be so easy to impress. Let’s learn to make our expectations known from the beginning and not be overly impressed with the small things like flowers, cuz sis you are worth the flowers and more.

Too Easy to Access

There is never a time a friend can text or call you, that you don’t respond right away. You clear your schedule for others without question. You’re too accessible sis. Those deserving of access to you, are those that offer the same and show how much they value your time. As I age, I am learning just how important time is and how much, I cannot afford to waste it. Let’s learn that we are not required to respond to every text or call right away because the reality is those close to us can function without us if necessary.

Too Easy to Choose Them Over You

As a woman, it seems imbedded in our DNA to put others first. The maternal and nurturing instinct automatically makes us feel it is necessary to care for everyone else first, even if it means never getting around to caring for us. You are the most important. And moms, I know you are side eyeing me right now but hear me out. There is absolutely no way to pour anything from an empty cup. Let’s learn to choose us. To give us, exactly what we give others.

Too easy to Manipulate

So, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but audacity has been on sale lately, or maybe someone is giving it out. It is almost surprising how people have tried to manipulate situations and believed they would be able to get away with it. It is even more surprising, that sometimes they did. Let’s learn to see people for exactly who they are. My favorite poet said “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”. A person can only manipulate you if you are looking past or denying who they are. Let’s learn to call those things out, set healthy boundaries and open the door for those who choose not to follow them.

Too Easy to Forget

Ok, so this is the petty one. Sis, leave every situation being absolutely unforgettable. Every relationship, every job, every room. Make them remember. Let’s learn to never be too easy to forget because we are always making a statement; sometimes without words.

The absolute best thing about growth is being able to look back at exactly where you came from. Laughing at some of the mistakes you’ve made but understanding how necessary they were to grow. We have all been too easy in one way or another, but here’s to committing to never being so easy again.

Get Off That Shelf! (Remembering your strength)

Get down from that shelf! Sis, I’m sorry for yelling, but don’t you know you are way too much of a prize to be put on anyone’s shelf? Far too often we take a space on a shelf, allowing others to determine exactly what it is they want from us or with us. Giving them some sort of twisted unlimited access, to just take us down from the shelf and play when they see fit.

Sis, you are way too talented to be on someone’s bench. No more allowing someone to pick and choose when we are allowed in the game. Sitting on the sidelines, just hoping they see enough in us to give us a chance. Yelling out pick me and forgetting we are indeed the most valuable player.

Sis, there are way too many fish in the sea to get caught on a hook. Swimming to what looks great and feels great, until we are caught up. Stuck. Limiting yourself to the bait as if it was your only option.

So here’s to remembering exactly who the hell you are and forgiving yourself for all the moments you forgot. For finding your strength. The strength needed to get off of the shelf you never belonged on. The strength to choose when you play the game. The strength to avoid getting hooked on those things that don’t serve you. Here’s to you ! Here’s to finding strength in the places you didn’t belong.

Thanks for reading!

To Be Or Not To Be….the girl with the list?

Purple! More specifically lavender. If  I have to respond one more time to the question: What’s your favorite color?, I think I’m going to lose it. Imagine dating in your 30s and having to answer the same questions you answered as a teenager. Horrifying right? And don’t get me wrong, I understand how important it is to get to know someone, but a question like this doesn’t begin to scratch the surface and it certainly does not qualify as good conversation. Sometimes it seems it would be easier to just create something similar to a resume but for dating. Imagine having a document of all your qualities, a brief history and expectations. You could just hand it out at the start of a date or even at the first meeting right? Ok, maybe that’s a bit much although straight to the point.  

I’ve watched a few movies and listened to a few debates about women who create “the list”. You know the list of all the things you want in the perfect man? I wrote a post at the end of May, entitled “Butterflies or Warning Signs (Reasons you are dating the same person in a different body); if you haven’t read it yet, be sure to check it out. In that post, I explained Need Vs. Want when dating and getting to know a potential mate. While I think creating a list made up of exact height requirements can be a bit much, I’m not totally against “the list”. There should be no shame in it. It is important to have a strong idea of what you want but it is even more important to know what you need.

So, here’s a challenge for you sis, an activity if you will. Let’s take a moment to reflect on past relationships or dating experiences. Girl, I’m sorry I made you think back to those. What are some of the things you needed from a mate, to have made those experiences successful? What have you learned about yourself? If you are independent and/or running a household with no assistance, you may feel you need someone you can depend on because doing it all is exhausting. If you are a go getter, you may need someone to match your hustle. If you are a hot head, you may very well need someone cool to calm you down. Grab a piece of paper and make two columns. On one side, list all the things you want in a potential partner. Once that list is complete, take time on the other side to place a “X” next to the things that aren’t exactly needs and replace them with things that are.  On my list I wrote wanting a man who can make me laugh but I replaced it with the need to have someone who can make light of any situation by putting a smile on my face. Because, while laughing is one of my favorite things to do, there are a lot of comedians out here sis and you have to be specific. I know you know what I mean.

In creating my list of needs, I have found the very idea of feeling too “needy” was a scary one for me. But in a healthy relationship, that fear will never manifest as you can never feel needy when your needs are met. Life is happening, the good, bad and the ugly, and in the midst of needing support (whatever that looks like for you), I have never heard anyone brag about feeling supported by knowing a favorite color. Dig deep sis, and don’t you settle! Let me know how it goes and comment below with one of the top things on your list.

As always, thanking your for reading and thank you even more for sharing!

Drops In a Bucket (for the overthinker)

I expected the bucket to be close to full. It’s 5:27 am and the absolute only reason I am awake right now is because of the overwhelming sound of leaking water. Yes, leaking!…….from the roof. The joys of being a homeowner right ? I got up, turned on the light, put down a shower curtain lining and a bucket directly under the leak. I listened as the rain got heavier and showed no sign of slowing down. I looked up at the ceiling which now has a crack from the water damage. I prayed. After a while, I got up to dump the bucket which I imagined would be full. But it wasn’t. It was nowhere near full. All the water I heard dropping into the bucket had barely coated the bottom and it really got me thinking (what else is new).

If you are an over thinker like me, there are few moments where you aren’t creating stress within yourself by thinking about every little thing. Things that may or may not happen. And if you are also a Christian, there is a constant tug of war with simply trusting God or worrying. But much like the amount of water in the bucket, things are rarely what they seem. Problems are rarely as big as they feel. And even beyond that, we simply aren’t in control. If my roof “decided” to fall in right now because of the leak, there would be nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing.

Now sis, I know the very idea of not being in control can be absolutely frightening. The what ifs make it difficult to remain calm right ? But your bucket isn’t as nearly as full as you think or even as full as it feels. The daily stressors we encounter are literally just drops in a bucket. Most of them never amounting to much. Work is crazy ? Ok. It will probably be crazy tomorrow. Bills seem non stop? But look at you, blessed to pay every one. Have a good cry if you need to and/or talk it out. But most importantly, check your bucket. Monitor your bucket and the drops within it. It may not be as full as you think. And if by chance it is, just dump it sis. You got this !

-An over thinker

As always, thanks for reading !

September ?! Already ?! New month. New Goals.

Happy September! Can you believe we are already in the last quarter of the year? So, how are things looking? September is a month of change. Leaves will be changing soon. Summer clothes will be pushed to the back of the closest. Pumpkin scented and flavored everything is completely taking over. Children are back in school and for some moms that is amazing because summer seemed way too long. But for us first time school moms, we are confused and a bit nervous and already reading lots of school emails.

The third quarters of games are often the most exciting. Some of the greatest athletes have turned games completely around in their favor, during the third quarter. There are some things we haven’t yet crossed off of our to-do lists and things from our vision board we haven’t yet touched. Girl, it’s ok. There is still time. In September, how are you planning to change and grow? There is no better time to set goals then at the start of a new month. Today, I was encouraged to choose 3 goals for the month of the September, and I’ll be honest, it was a bit difficult to narrow them down. Here’s what I came up with:

1) Get Back on Track (fitness)

I honestly have no idea how I have only gained 4 pounds back from my 30 pound weight loss, because your girl has been acting up. Exercise has become a thing of the past and my weekly Chick-Fil-A strictly salad lunches have been accompanied with a side of fries and a Lemonade (with no ice) from time to time. But tomorrow, I am back on it with daily workouts of some kind and back to paying close attention to what I put into my body. Since getting off track, I can honestly say I have felt sluggish and my skin is back to its wicked ways. That won’t do.

2) Creative Consistency

Ok… so a few people have asked me “when’s the next post”? And I know there has been some obvious gaps in posting. But, life. It was happening yalI and I am excited to share it all. It is so important to me to become and remain consistent with posting in this space. In September, I plan to work towards having my experiences and posts reach a larger audience made of those who are able to relate. What I have loved most about this blogging journey is hearing the amazing feedback which reminds me just how important sharing and community is.

3) Intentional Quality Time

In September, I am determined to make time for those closes to me. It is so easy to get loss in the monotony of our daily schedules. We often forget to set aside special time with our children, friends and family or maybe we just can’t find the time. My new white board will be filled with required appointments as well as quality time. This month, I want to choose calling over texting (just a little more), family dinners and visits to the park with baby boy. Those are the things that are most important.

This month I become a baseball mom and the mom of a Pre K Student and I’m so excited to see exactly what that will look like. Are you ready to set your goals for the month? Let me know below in the comment section what some of your goals are and let’s hold each other accountable. But if you see me eating a fry or three, don’t judge me, there’s still a whole quarter left in the year. 🙂  We got this!

Sis, you are not milk….

Sis, please don’t ever forget, you are not milk. There isn’t an expiration date stamped on your side. There is far too much pressure being placed on you because of all the imaginary timelines. Timelines designed by others; for your life. But quite frankly, screw those timelines and even the guidelines. No one knows YOU better than YOU.  So, you didn’t meet a goal when you and everyone thought you would.  It doesn’t mean it is over. That goal hasn’t expired. I promise that it means it just wasn’t time yet. You set the pace for your life and growth.

And sis, in your growth, I hope you learn, you are wine. You’ve felt some of the same pressure grapes feel in their process. You’ve had time to age and mature and with that you’ve become wise. YOU have become confident in knowing what you want because you’ve spent time going after what you truly didn’t. You smirk at the idea of guidelines, because you’ve learned how necessary it can be to color outside the lines. You aren’t limited by imaginary timelines because you understand the importance of becoming exactly who you need to be in your time. No matter how long it takes.

Sis, you are not MILK; you are WINE!

As always, thanks for reading!