Do you really want that in your cart? Do you need it? (3 helpful tips to avoid dating when you are lonely)

Dating when you’re lonely is like shopping when you’re hungry; you just end up picking up anything.

Sis, how many times have you found yourself grocery shopping after skipping lunch or right before dinner? The growls from your stomach drown out the shopping list you have in your head and the aisles of food seem to be filled with endless possibilities. Before you know it, you’ve abandoned your list and you have absolutely no idea what’s in your cart.

Now sis, how many Friday nights have you found yourself scrolling though dating profiles on a dating apps because you were bored, lonely or both. Before you know it, you are tapping like on profiles and/or swiping right way too much. You end up having conversations with those who outside of your lonely would be a hard no but now they look more like a maybe.

Some of my greatest dating mistakes and regrets were birthed from lonely. Letting conversations go a bit too long, simply to past time or cure boredom. Reaching back into the past by finally answering a text I’d left on read because I knew that man wasn’t it. But there I was falling victim. Is it just me?

The moments we allow loneliness to dictate dating choices can cause us to completely lower our standards and then find a way to make excuses for it later. As we dive deeper into this cuffing season, a time when people set out to form short term experiences simply because it’s getting cold outside; here are 3 things that have helped me to not pick up just anything.

Get/Stay busy: I often feel the most lonely when I am bored, the day has settled and things are a bit quiet. One of the greatest pieces of advice I heard about embracing being single is that you should live and spend your time single becoming the very best version of yourself. Seem cliché? Perhaps. But, hear me out. If you take time to join clubs, have fun with your children, travel, exercise, take on new hobbies or become active in your community, you will literally struggle to find the time to sit and obsess over being single and “alone” and you will be building memories in the process.

Remind yourself of your list: Lately, I have been paying a bit more attention to my “list”; not obsessing over it but just paying more attention. Don’t ever forget your list sis. While some of us have a longer list than others (no judgment). We all have our absolute deal breakers or the qualities we desire most in a partner, right? The things that would contribute to a healthy and strong relationship. Yet somehow, when we are faced with being lonely we forget the very things that were once most important. We’ve created our lists for a reason and we dishonor ourselves each time we completely ignore them.

Take a break from online dating: Ok, so I know this one may not be popular but hear me out. I take breaks from online dating often. I am actually currently on a break which honestly may be more permanent… but we will get into that another time. Like most things in our society, online dating gives us quick access, but to humans. We literally can spend a great deal of time swiping right and matching with those we would usually swipe pass in “real life”. Sis, avoid using the app just to feel a void or to create a roster of men; who even combined don’t equal the man you desire.

As we navigate being single during the Holidays and cuffing season, let’s work to avoid operating in our lonely. Let’s take times of feeling lonely as a challenge to fill ourselves with things we enjoy and love. Surround ourselves with people who feed us and practice patience. Because sis, I promise you didn’t really need it in your cart, you were just a bit lonely. You don’t even like that!

Thanks for reading and as always, keep growing!