Don’t Drink the Poison: 5 Positive Ways to Deal with Feelings of Loneliness During Single Life

“Being thirsty is not an excuse to drink poison”. I’m not sure who came up with this quote, but thank you. Far too often the thirst we experience can be feelings of being lonely and wanting something or somewhere there. Loneliness seems to be the part of being single that isn’t discussed. And why? Maybe it’s because it is associated with some weird idea of not being content on your single journey, being needy/desperate or maybe it doesn’t fit into the make believe narrative that you are out running through fields of flowers at all times while enjoying single life. Now don’t get me wrong, I most definitely enjoy being single. I am literally no longer responsible for another adult (thank God). But, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get lonely at times, and that’s ok.

Being in an 8 year relationship (all of my 20s) and married for 3 years, it was difficult to get use to living without a significant other. Sleeping alone sucked at first, and binge watching Netflix just wasn’t the same. Holidays were like bright reminders of being alone and it seemed most of my single friends were now in relationships. I was so laser focused on surviving, that I’m not sure I even took the time to identify with the loneliness I experienced. I attempted to fill voids with online dating and that was short lived, because there has to be pee in the online dating pool, and honestly, I just can’t. I have now learned ways to positively fill those pockets of lonely. And sis, of course I’m going to share.

• 1. Identify Why– Take a moment to think about what exactly has you feeling lonely? Is it a holiday (Valentine’s Day coming up), is it the anniversary of an event from your relationship. Do you miss having someone to go out with? Are you lonely or just bored?

• 2. Date Yourself – We constantly hear the importance of date nights for couples to keep the magic in the relationship. But what about your magic? When is the last time you took yourself to dinner or to watch a movie? Do you even know what you enjoy? Plan to take yourself out at least once a month and learn to have fun in your own company. When you began to understand what you like and want, you aren’t as easily impressed.

• 3. Get Busy– Having a large amount of free time will leave your mind to wander. Get busy! Work on new projects, maybe start to accomplish things from your vision board. If you become devoted to your goals and to new hobbies and interests, time to feel bored or alone will be limited.

• 4. Spend time with friends/family: Quality time with your besties and family is guaranteed to help with the moments when you feel alone. Be open with how you are feeling because if they aren’t aware, how can they help?

• 5. Sleep sideways: Listen, if the king size bed seems way too large when sleeping alone, sleep sideways or even sleep on the couch on the nights it is overwhelming. And for the single moms, your child will probably find a way in your bed, along with their stuffed snow man Sneezy.

Remember how we started with not drinking the poison during the moments we feel thirsty? There is something weird and annoying that happens with loneliness that makes you sometimes have the urge to go back to what is familiar. And yes sis, it is familiar, because it is the same. It hasn’t changed, I promise. Avoid going back to situations you needed to escape, just for the sake of having someone around. Take time to focus on dating yourself, keeping busy, spending time with loved ones and enjoying sleeping alone (for now). Remember, loneliness is normal in this single journey, it exist, and its ok.

As always, thanks for reading!

Keep growing!