Purple! More specifically lavender. If I have to respond one more time to the question: What’s your favorite color?, I think I’m going to lose it. Imagine dating in your 30s and having to answer the same questions you answered as a teenager. Horrifying right? And don’t get me wrong, I understand how important it is to get to know someone, but a question like this doesn’t begin to scratch the surface and it certainly does not qualify as good conversation. Sometimes it seems it would be easier to just create something similar to a resume but for dating. Imagine having a document of all your qualities, a brief history and expectations. You could just hand it out at the start of a date or even at the first meeting right? Ok, maybe that’s a bit much although straight to the point.
I’ve watched a few movies and listened to a few debates about women who create “the list”. You know the list of all the things you want in the perfect man? I wrote a post at the end of May, entitled “Butterflies or Warning Signs (Reasons you are dating the same person in a different body); if you haven’t read it yet, be sure to check it out. In that post, I explained Need Vs. Want when dating and getting to know a potential mate. While I think creating a list made up of exact height requirements can be a bit much, I’m not totally against “the list”. There should be no shame in it. It is important to have a strong idea of what you want but it is even more important to know what you need.
So, here’s a challenge for you sis, an activity if you will. Let’s take a moment to reflect on past relationships or dating experiences. Girl, I’m sorry I made you think back to those. What are some of the things you needed from a mate, to have made those experiences successful? What have you learned about yourself? If you are independent and/or running a household with no assistance, you may feel you need someone you can depend on because doing it all is exhausting. If you are a go getter, you may need someone to match your hustle. If you are a hot head, you may very well need someone cool to calm you down. Grab a piece of paper and make two columns. On one side, list all the things you want in a potential partner. Once that list is complete, take time on the other side to place a “X” next to the things that aren’t exactly needs and replace them with things that are. On my list I wrote wanting a man who can make me laugh but I replaced it with the need to have someone who can make light of any situation by putting a smile on my face. Because, while laughing is one of my favorite things to do, there are a lot of comedians out here sis and you have to be specific. I know you know what I mean.
In creating my list of needs, I have found the very idea of feeling too “needy” was a scary one for me. But in a healthy relationship, that fear will never manifest as you can never feel needy when your needs are met. Life is happening, the good, bad and the ugly, and in the midst of needing support (whatever that looks like for you), I have never heard anyone brag about feeling supported by knowing a favorite color. Dig deep sis, and don’t you settle! Let me know how it goes and comment below with one of the top things on your list.
As always, thanking your for reading and thank you even more for sharing!
Flowers Need Rain 