Butterflies or Warning Signs? (Reasons you are dating the same person in a different body)

Let’s talk about the butterflies. Romance movies and novels teach us to believe the only way to know if we like/love a person is if we get that special feeling in our stomachs. The butterflies. Far too often we go into each new relationship in search of that feeling. But what happens when we become just consumed with the idea of finding those butterflies? They become our main focus, and somewhere during our hunt for butterflies we may become blind to warning signs.  Sis, those aren’t butterflies, those are warning signs with pretty wings.

New relationships are exciting, as they should be. The journey of learning someone new and asking lots and lots and lots of questions is how we attempt to find a deeper understanding. But in the midst of us completing questionnaires, we sometimes find similarities with Mr. New and Mr. No Longer. Something about how they make us feel, how they handle situations or even their relationship with their mama feels way too much like Déjà vu. We like it, because we’ve liked it before. But you are doing it again sis! You’re dating the same person, just in a different body and these may be a few reasons why:

Feels like home

It sometimes seems much easier to deal with someone familiar because it feels like you have a one up or a road map. You know how to navigate the situation, and you can make the necessary changes to accommodate right? No! That requires the changing of only you and you can’t afford to do that again. Please remember, nothing great is born from comfort and home feels like peace.

You’re a fixer

What is it about potential that is so attractive? If you are a fixer by nature, like me, this one is for you. More than likely, as a fixer, you have dated your share of fixer uppers. There is a deep desire to assist in contributing to someone becoming a better version of them even if they aren’t interested in doing so. With the need to always play the role of building up, we sometimes lose sight of focusing on us and find ourselves in a cycle of feeling unfulfilled and being in a role where we will always be in charge of pushing someone else to grow.

Same ol’ Same ol’

Sis, you are dating the same type of person continuously because you simply haven’t experienced anything different. You haven’t yet had someone to show you exactly why it hasn’t worked with your “type”. Realizing there is simply more than what you are accustomed to, is the first step to wanting better. Go on a date with someone you would normally never be interested in and thank me later.

Need vs Want

What you want isn’t always what you need. We can often create an entire list of the things we want in a partner but how often do we jot down what we need. Doing great amounts of self awareness work, helps us to discover the very traits of a partner that are needed for a relationship to bloom. Because we may want a partner who thinks in the way we do but we may very well need a partner that will challenge us.

Most of us have fallen victim to dating the same person over and over again and we may not have even realized we were doing it. But there is no time like today to break patterns. Remember everything that made Mr. No Longer be a part of your past, recognize all the things he did to make you feel good and when you see them in Mr. New, girl just RUN because those aren’t butterflies, those are warning signs!

Thanks for reading!