Ain’t No Hood Like Single Motherhood (4 things all single moms should remember about navigating motherhood)

My son had a tantrum today. He had a full blown tantrum and I’m not even sure he knows why. It was something about Ironman or Spiderman….one of those men. Either way, it was about the third meltdown of the day while I was working from home. For a moment, I looked to the left for some type of assistance, relief, just for someone to take over for a bit. But, then I remembered and I’m pretty sure I said aloud, “It’s just you sis”.

Few of us go into motherhood believing we will be single mothers. But life happens and things change. But the one constant, the one thing that won’t ever change is that a mother will always be a mother. There is an undeniable strength of a single mother and although this strength may be fueled some days by complete exhaustion, it is strength nonetheless. As a single mother, you journey through the unfamiliar territory of raising a child, and you do it mostly alone. You handle the day to day routine and sometimes you forget how impressive it all is. But sis, there are four things I hope we never forget as  single moms.

Always remember……..

You are a family

It’s tempting to feel as a single mom, you and your child or children could never be a complete family. Honestly, I think far too many mothers stay in relationships just out of the fear that the idea of family will be broken (but that’s a whole different conversation for another day). Sis, remember that family isn’t an idea and it certainly isn’t those pictures that come in the picture frame when you buy them. Family is safety. Family is love. Family is sacrifice. Family is patience. Family is dedication. A single mom goes above and beyond to give these things on a daily basis. Single mama, you set the tone and the standard of what family is in your home.

Remember………

 “Comparison is the thief of joy”

Traveling photos of couples with their children fill your social media timelines. Cute videos of family dances are all over Tik Tok. Maybe, traveling isn’t as attainable or just requires a bit more saving in a one parent household. Don’t let the idea of having to do things differently lead you to believing they are not as great. Sis, it is far too easy for us to feel we aren’t giving enough to our children, based on what we see around us. Give time and create memories. Your children will be thankful, no matter where those memories take place.

Remember………….

You can’t pour from an empty cup

Please remember single mom, you can’t give to your child, what you do not have. Mommy guilt is real. We are constantly feeling we are not doing enough or not doing what is best. We are so use to being everything for our children that we often feel guilt when taking a moment for us. But you need that moment sis! You need a few of those moments. Go out with the girls or use that yoga mat you bought which has been just sitting in the closet. It is imperative to be sure you are ok, mentally, physically, and spiritually so that you are able to pour into your children. Your child deserves the best you. You deserve the best you.

Remember…………..

It really does take a village

I know you have it under control. You are strong and independent but you are also human. Please remember to surround yourself with people you trust to help out. Reach out to other mothers and set up play dates (the ones with wine involved). Have open and honest conversations, and ask for help when you need it. Like really, ask for help. Allow your village to invest in the life of your child, create additional sets of eyes to catch things you may not. Build community.

Mother’s Day is coming. And although you may not get flowers and gifts (because children are broke LOL), you most definitely deserve to be celebrated. Single mama, you are playing dual roles and you are doing your thing. You had absolutely no idea how to take on this role but look at you, doing it so effortlessly. I see you. I feel you. I am you. And we are amazing. Ain’t no hood like single motherhood. Happy Mother’s day!